Music Theory Actually Kinda Rocks

My music theory prof was amazing, and had the best sayings of anyone I have ever heard. In fact, they were so amazing that my friends wrote them down...and I stole them!

“Donald Trump has the biggest comb-over I’ve ever seen! Hey. It’s ok. Just be bald. It’s alright.”
“It’s just Caitlin. I would never hurt her. She’s too nice. I wouldn’t do that. But there are other people I would hurt. I’m waiting for them. Get them in the jugular.”
“Sometimes you’re going to end up with wild and catastrophic dissonances with these things.”
“Lang! Take one of these. This is a good day for you.” (Jedi?)
“It has a whole big bunch of drama in it.”
“Ok. Flip page.”
“I’ll play it so you can feel it. Today is a music day.”
“Don’t those sound nice? Say, ‘Yes’.”
“Whoa! I love it! Whoo hoo! Whoa, whoa!”
“Stevie Wonder, here we come!”
“Here’s Tim’s dark music.”
“Ah, ha ha. That is nice.”
“You gotta resolve that. You can’t leave life without resolving that.”
“Why say boring things?”
“Tsunami is coming.”
“For those of you who haven’t done this type of music before…I’m green now.”
Tim: “Now, is this making your eyes flutter?”
Corey: “With love?”
Tim: “No, with hatred.”
“Sounds like machine guns firing out there. ‘Da Russians are coming!!!’ Like someone’s gonna just mow you all down.” (Pretends to hold machine gun and fires)
“It’s Ellington. You can’t change that.”
Mouths “Call me” to Tyler
“You can come up and call me names if you like.”
“He wrote his Jupiter Symphony in 2 weeks…shwshwshwshwshwshw Bang! Jupiter Symphony.”
Tim: “There’s a bunch of kids out here. How do I get upstairs?”
Ashley: “Go the other way.”
Tim: “Oh, yeah.”
“I have mud all over. Is that ok?”
“It gets thorny. I don’t’ want to do thorns, I’m tired.”
“Here look at this. Here’s some nice people in a boat.”
Tim: “It’s some sort of quasi-mode.”
Corey: “So, it’s quasi-modal?”
*General Laughter*
Tim: “That was good.”
“Look at the pagoda I drew in the first hour. Looks like a fir tree…(smiles)”
Tim: “What sound do you hear now?”
Caitlin: “A piano.”
Tim: (crosses eyes)…”What scale?”
“Raindrops falling on the ground…(beat)…but not on my head…(smiles)”
Sally walks in late. Tim stares at her and points at the clock.
“No cell phones or smiling.”
“Don’t take it out on the avacados. Give them a chance to do something to you.”
“I reuse everything, except for Kleenex.”
“She takes her clothes off, but this video doesn’t show it, so we’re not going to watch it.”
“And then all of a sudden BBBBLLLLLLEEEEEGGGGGG! down to Eb.
Someone stomps up the stairs. “That sounded like a squirrel.”
“I want to see ponies. I’ve always wanted a pony.”
Tim: “Hey you knotheads! What’s going on in Measure 19?”
Marcel: “I’m not going to say anything.”
Tim: “Good. That’s good.”
“That’s a lot of notes for Tim to play, but I’ll try. I’ am limited; I did call in stupid
“Can I do this? Yes I can. No. I can’t. Yes I can. Well. Yes I can.”
“There are no rules.”
Ashley: “Good job, Tim.”
Tim: “Yeah.”
“The next thing they do is piss…PITCH! PITCH CLASS!!!!!!!”
“I have to give a lecture now. I spent a lot of time on this. It’s a stunning lecture; you’ll all be weeping by the time I’m finished. Get ready. Buckle your seat belts.”
“It looks like one of those rolling gel wave things that people look at…[gyrates a bit] whoa….crack smokers, y’know…”
“If you hit someone on the head with a hammer for a long enough time, they will eventually become part of the hammer.”
“Let’s not experience death this morning.”
Speaking of the 12 year old piano playing, smart kid from Banks. “I keep telling everyone that I could take him in a street fight.”
“What a beautiful melody. You can have all melodies ever written for $19.95!”
“Sounds like the squirrels on my roof.”
“It’s kinda one of those things that ruled the world for awhile.”
“Is that good for you? You like that, do ya?”
“That’s Franz Liszt right there.”
“Ho ho ha whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, that’s already spookin’ me out.”
“Tha tha tha da da yea, I’m excited now.”
“I’ve got a six-four in the key of g and it’s awesome! Whoo!
“I made something awesome. I want to get paid.”
“I brought 14 copies of the wrong thing. I shouldn’t have done that.”
"You have to be investigators. Theory investigators into the mystery of life.”
“One is analyzed out. The other is not. One is hard. The other one is hard.”
“Don’t criticize me. I didn’t practice it.”
“They generally come back here, or they go somewhere else.”
“Is that hard? Yes that’s hard.”
Sung: “V Fryderyck Chopin, i. That’s his famous cadence”
“It sounds like barbershop music. It also sounds like Brahms.”
“Tie that over. That’s your seventh of the thing.”
“Then you’re back, doin’ your stuff again.”
“We’re gunna do this not the way I just did them.”
“Bad, bad, bad. I scold them.”
“Do I like it that way? No. But I’m gunna live with it.”
“I don’t like this. Any votes? I’ve almost had enough of this.”
“I think they’re tryin’ to get too theory on ya here.”
Ashley’s whoops, “A few inches makes a big difference.”
“It’s All Saints Day, I can do a doubled third.”
“You guys are going to be modulating masters before this thing is done.”
“Whoo. Intonation issue there.”
“I had a thing in my head that said, ‘Fix the problem.’ So I fixed the problem.”
“Hey. You meatheads. (beat) That was said with a great deal of love.”
“I want it to be more exotic. Naw, I don’t even want to do that anymore.”
“It can be done.” (beat) “It’s will be done.” (smile)
“Get to work or I will use the ‘meathead’ term.”
“You guys are becoming skillful a this. Quite skillful.”
"Now you prob’ly got it goin’ there.”
"I have a six fetish today"
"Spiders and Beethoven do not mix well..."
"Let's write the pile-driving song!"