A year ago, I wrote this on my myspace blog:
"Right now I'm going through some things that I've needed to face and deal with for a while, but that doesn't make them any easier, in fact it makes them harder. And there isn't a day that goes by that I don't second guess myself about everything I'm doing. Well, maybe one day, maybe even two, but I always wonder. Some days it feels like all this is behind me and I can move on, and others I just feel like crawling into a hole and crying. Thankfully, I don't have as many of those days as I used to, but they are still around. Days where I think I need an emotional "quick fix", but know it will only make the problem worse.
Today was one of those days.
I feel like I'm under some sort of rock. Every time I look up, it's the same stuff that I'm trying to get out of. It never ends. The rock is too big to move, so I just chip away at the courners, but I never feel like I'm accomplishing something.
However, I am accomplishing something.
And that is really good.
But it also sucks...
...kinda"
I read it again today as a total fluke and realized that I wrote it exactly one year ago (August 7th, 2007). Is it possible for a whole year to have gone by and to have nothing change at all? I can't believe that this still describes the exact feelings I felt today. I couldn't even put it into words until I read this.
The only difference is that I think the rock is a tiny bit smaller, and I'm more determined to break it away bit by bit. Maybe I'll feel vastly different in a year, but somehow I kind of doubt it.
